Restart of a blog.

I am finally restarting my blog after a year of absence. As those who read this no doubt already know, I am a transexual female, and I have been on hormones for a year and a half. That is to say, generally, a year and a half. I have only been on progesterone for two months. I plan on continuing this blog, now, as an outlet for my feelings and what is happening to me. I hope that what I type here might help fellow transpeople out there in any way. Especially if you are trans or questioning your gender I'd be more than happy to talk with you.

Transitioning is quite possibly the hardest thing anyone can go through. When you join the military they break you down, make you nothing, and then they rebuild you as a person so that you can fill your roll in their society. As transgirls, we have no such thing, and transitioning is layered with prejudiced acid and fear. Something that one might want to consider is that what you want, that thing inside of you that you have not let out for countless years, is something that society builds in people from day one. As you transition you are fighting society to re-establish your roll. Since females (in my case) are raised a certain way and boys are raised in another way we are suddenly thrown in to (in my case) twenty years of conditioning that needs to be pasted over your old life in a matter of years. To expect this of anyone, in any way, is completely wrong and unfair. However... it is society that has built this image of who you want to be in your mind and helped you define what it is to be female in the first place.

It is because of these constructs that we have to be stronger willed and emotionally than anyone else ever has to endure. The only people who may ever (and they don't realize this) be able to connect with you on that level is a military person. The only difference is they have direction and often we do not. We break ourselves down, almost revert to a childlike status of relearning everything, and the vast majority of us have absolutely no direction. I know that I have very little direction.

I plan, near the end of my transition, to stay part of the trans community. I hope to write a guide to transitioning for girls that are going through this so they don't feel alone. I don't have any direction and I know what it's like. So going over things like what to consider when coming out, dressing out, when to try makeup, where to go for things, places that are friendly for people like us for employment... all of those things would be so helpful and I want to help give that to those girls. We are not alone out there but we are scarce. It's not our fault, choice, or trauma that made us this way. We were born with it. We are not part of the LGBT community in any way unless we are literally Bi or Lesbian.

One of the things I hope to do for the future is make medical insurance cover our disorder. That's right. It's a disorder. Just like depression or anything else. You do not have a normal brain for your sex, you have a brain for the opposite sex, and the sooner that insurances cover our medical expenses from hormones to surgeries and hair removal... why should we defend ourselves as labeling it as anything other than such?

If you have a way of following these blog posts, please do so, and recommend that friends do the same. For the most part people find this sort of thing fascinating so it shouldn't be that much of a stretch. If you know of places that are trans friendly please feel free to email or add it in comments to any of my posts.

Thanks for reading,

Kirie